Burg turns 16

so sad today!  Ok, not really!  But today our little Burgy turned 16! 

My little Date and a touched heart!

Last night I took Burgandy out on a date, I figured we needed to have a little bit of fun and a gossip sesson so we went out for dinner.  While I was getting ready I appologized to her as I had to turn down my wig and wear my scarf on my head becasue my head is so sore from my hair falling out.  She looked back at me and asked why I was appologizing and that my scarves were "legit cool" and if I felt embarrased she would even wear one with me!

We had a great night and I promised Burg that after my treatments when I have hair again, she can have all of my "legit cool" scarves!

Goodbye Hair



There she goes!





Yuck!

While I was in the foothills...day 13 of my chemo cycle my hair began to fall out.  Its not dramatic and you don't get a handful of hair and then see a bald patch, but if you hold the hair in your fingers, you will get pieces coming out EASILY, this little bit can still however be a shock to the system.  The night I got home from the hospital my best friend Ash was more than willing to shave my head for me.  When we were all finished my only comment was "I look like a boy".  Ashley's response was happiness...that we can finally get married after all these years...THANKS ASH!



We let the hair go thinking it would be very symbolic,
 it wasnt really.  lol



My little girly wont stay off my lap these days!  She loves momma being bald or not!

My Stay at the Cheateau

So being admitted to unit 46 with Neutrophils of zero I was quite the circus freak!  Many nurses had never seen this before and were amazed by it.  I was however informed by my wonderful oncologist Dr. Lupichuck that a neutrophil count of zero is probably fairly common however they dont always see it because people dont always come into the hospital presenting symptoms.  Therefore, I am not a freak...well...ummmmm

In this journey I have to constantly give praise to my amazing friends!  Ashley, Heather, Porchia and Jennifer are constantly there for me every single day and step along the way!  They each visited me in the hospital and the day before my release the four of them gathered at my house for a wine and housecleaning party to sterilize my living space of germs.  I cannot ever thank these girls enough. 

Heather and her mommy Sebina visited me in the hospital and treated me to a little session of Reiki to help me clear my mind and release the toxins from my body.  Along with Reiki they also treated me to a ginger cookie stuffed with cream cheese that was probably the size of my head...according to my sister Holly I have a humongous head...so YES this was a HUGE cookie!  Pictured here is only half of it!  It took me three days to eat and brought me great joy every time I had a bite! 

I was hooked up to an IV for these five days and got regular administration of antibiotics, not because I had a bug, but just in case I did, with my neutrophils being zero they were being proactive.  I spend alot of time with my IV pole so it was only fitting to name him.  As he only took me out occasionally and he was tall and dark but not quite handsome I decided Hank was a rather fitting name for him, I would constantly tell the nurses how disappointed I am in Hank and that I was not ready to have another date with him yet. 

They gave me a daily shot to bring my neutrophils up and at the end of my stay on Sunday my neutrophils were now at 14.9 (normal is 2 - 9).  A little bit of an overdose??? I think so!  Needless to say I left there feeling like SUPERWOMAN minus the headache!  I felt like I could go and lick anything and not catch a single bug! lol. 

Ashley came and got me from the hospital on Sunday and we waited a while for the resident to write up my go home slips and prescriptions, we decided to take advantage of this time and see if Ashley could fold herself up in my bed....it didn't work!  At this time we also pondered where would be the best location for my "DON'T TOUCH THE LEFT ARM" sign that the nurses kindly made up for me...after giving it much thought, our conclusion....How could they miss it if it is on my GIGANTIC head!

GOODBYE CHATEAU FOOTHILLS!  AND THANKS FOR EVERYTHING BUT I HOPE I WONT BE BACK!

Aches, Pains and a Car Ride

My apologies for the absence in updates lately, I have had a little stay at the Chateau Foothills.  Not gonna complain about it, the "Beige" time was kinda nice! lol

November 23rd - Day 9 of cycle 1
I still felt great, trucking along.  Burgandy had an appointment in the morning at a medical clinic so I had her go in and get me a mask before I entered as I am in my susceptible time.  Later that day Porchia came over to visit me and have dinner and we went to pick up Burgandy from basketball tryouts.  On the way home I had Burgandy go in Sobeys to get some refried beans for our delicious fajitas we were making.  While she was in the store out of nowhere my joints started to ache.  I felt like I had a sudden onset of the flu and my wrists, ankles and knees were so achy I wanted to just crawl into bed immediately.  When we got home something told me to take my temperature...A whopping 104 degrees!!!!

I did what they taught me to do in pre-chemo class and called the oncologist on call at the foothills, together me and Dr. Webster went through my list of symptoms.  He told me to relax for an hour and take my temperature again that perhaps it had spiked because of physical activity or something.  In an hour my temperature had gone down to 102.9...still WAY too high especially for someone on chemotherapy because a fever is a sign of infection and when you are in chemotherapy it kills your white blood cells which means your body is not able to fight an infection.  Porchia, Burgandy and I continued to monitor my temperature for another two hours until finally at 9:00 pm I had had enough and Porchia and I headed into the Foothills Emergency Room. 

 I was put into a room immediately and put on reverse isolation, meaning I had to wear a mask to protect myself from infection.  They assessed me again, took my vitals, asked my allergies, I informed them I am allergic to scallops but don't anticipate them being served in this fine establishment.  The nurses and Porchia were great and when I felt like I needed to breath properly they would trade me places and wear the masks for a while so I could be comfortable.  Porchia and I stayed awake until 5:00 in the morning laughing in the emergency room and keeping our spirits high.  Despite the fact that we failed in finding Porchia a hot doctor...we sure did have fun!  My wonderful sister in law Jennifer brought me my overnight bag that I had my little Burgandy pack and I was prepared to hear the news.

Ilia the oncology resident came in to assess me and educated me on white blood cells and Neutrophils.  My white blood count at that time was down to 1.2 and we had yet to get my neutrophil report.  I asked him what the lowest number of neutrophils he had seen was and he said 0.9 and I asked what the possibility of zero is and if that means you are dead.  He laughed and said no but you are in danger if it is at zero.  Not even twenty minutes later Ilia was back to inform me of my neutrophil count.  Turns out zero really doesn't mean you are dead because my neutrophils were ZERO!  And at that time my relationship with my mask became serious...I was in a committed relationship with someone and I wasn't sure I even liked them! lol.

At 5:00 am I was moved up to Unit 46 and was told I would be having a nice stay at the Chateau Foothills.  The nurse that admitted me into Unit 46 did not win brownie points with me!  At this time I have now been awake for 22 hours and I am getting a little groggy.  He without a care, took my blood pressure on my left arm and then asked me what medication emergency had given me, like I was the nurse administering them to myself.  To top it all off he then brought in two swabs, please understand this nurse had a VERY heavy accent and I had no clue in hell what he was saying but I am pretty sure he wanted me to go to the bathroom and stick that swab where the sun don't shine.  If I in fact needed to do that...I don't mind...however, I am not going to volunteer my butt hole when I am not even 100% sure that is what he wanted!  Boy would I have looked silly if what they really wanted was just a throat swab!  None the less I refused further treatment from this nurse and began to cry. 

In a couple hours when the new shift came on I told them how upset I was with the treatment I had been given and how concerned I was with the blood pressure being taken on my left arm as I am terrified of getting Lymphedema.  The nurses from this point on where amazing and I would like to give a big shout out to Ryan, Kurt, Lisan, and Raj who I had an awesome bond with.  I was in a unit that treated mainly elderly people with cancer and I was informed quite often how nice it was to interact with a patient as vibrant as I was.  Ryan and Raj touched me especially.  Ryan was my age and never looked at me as a patient and always came into the room and said "yo whats up"  he would have a chat with me and be on his merry way to check the other patients.  Raj was one of my night shift nurses and informed me that his sister who was 30 was recently diagnosed with Breast Cancer as well and fortunately they had caught it in time that she would not need to undergo chemotherapy or radiation.  I gave Raj my blog and told him to share it with his sister in hopes that I can inspire other young women with Breast Cancer.  In the morning Raj came in to say goodbye and told me that he had read my entire blog and we had a small chat on my future plans of reconstruction, children, etc. 

Thank you to all of the nurses on Unit 46 that touch peoples lives like mine everyday!

Forget the Calendar

During chemo my days are no longer September 29th, October 5th, November 17th, you get my drift.

Its now more like this

Husky Christmas Party = Day 4 of cycle
Boxing Day = Day 18 of cycle
Christmas Day = Day 19 of cycle
New Years Eve = Day 5 of cycle

To put this into terms...you have your good days and your bad days apparently these are supposto be the same everytime you have chemo administered or at least give you a good indication if you will be able to do anything those days.

Today I am on Day 7 of my 21 day cycle and dont have much to report other than

Day 1 - had chemo, felt amazing, went shopping
Day 2 - felt great, did laundry
Day 3 - Pretty tired, had a couple naps
Day 4 - a little nautious, ate a little less
Day 5 - WATCH OUT!  PROJECTILE VOMITTING, nothing came near my mouth that didnt come out!
Day 6 - a litte nautious, ate a little less but good appitite
Day 7 - FEEL GREAT AGAIN!

Cancer Education, Advocacy & News Blog: Young Adult Breast Cancer Survivor - Colleen Cappon

Cancer Education, Advocacy & News Blog: Young Adult Breast Cancer Survivor - Colleen Cappon

Chemo or Prego?

Well folks. Here I am on Day six of my first cycle. For those of you that don't know the terminology, it is important for someone on Chemo to count their days and the symptoms they have on those days as they will most likely be the same on every cycle. Yesterday (Day 5) was the worst of them yet. However, I keep reminding myself, I am young, strong and able and this could be a lot worse! I was slightly nauseated (I say slightly because I don't want to over exaggerate and have it become worse...positive thinking = positive healing). I layed on the couch most of the day and well...lets just say I haven't puked and peed at the same time since...well...ok...since the last time I drank way too much! lol, just joking, I don't remember being that sick since I was a kid, projectile vomiting is not something most adult experience regularly...I hope! Thank god for my honey, that's all I can say! He went out to get a hair cut and had a craving for Tostitos. WOW, did they ever settle my stomach and taste like heaven! I am so thankful for him right now! Crackers just weren't cutting it!

Chemo bring along the wildest cravings!  You could swear you were pregnant, fingers crossed I am not! lol.  A friend of mine Connie told me she always had a hankering for chicken wings and dry ribs and surely enough, I was craving the same on Day 3.

Keep posted for more crazy cravings! 

Signing off,

Beige allmighty

There goes the hair (kinda)

BEFORE

 

AFTER

The BIG Day

Today I start Chemo! 

I walked into the Tom Baker Confident!  Ready to kick this in the Ass!  I have never been in a "real" fight before but I was prepared to win this one!

The Tom Baker is surprisingly welcoming, Dave and I sat in the waiting room for approximately 10 minutes, Dave gets his kicks out of the riddles they wright on the walls and the fact that I clearly have no clue what the answer is, SIGH, if only i would just look at the wall!

I get escorted by a nurse to my big comfy recliner (exaggeration, but I actually don't mind the hospital chairs too much, I use to be a unit clerk after all). 

As I walk into the unit it is fairly empty and I seem to be one of the first to get hooked up for the day.  However, I will get up later to pee to find a completely full unit and what I feel like a burn mark carving into me from the eyes that watch me walk across the room pracing in my high heels and strutting my chemo pole like non other!

Yes, I am aware, I am the youngest person in this unit, I am also aware that this far in my journey I have been the youngest person anywhere I go that is affected with Cancer.  It makes it a little hard to relate to people as they also feel the same about me.  In this journey people want others they can relate to and well...being that there is less than 0.1% of 26 year olds diagnosed with Breast Cancer I dont have many options other than to embrace the cancer community no matter what their age, diagnosis, prognosis, hair color...ummmm, or wig color.  We are all affected with a disease that has impacted our life in some way or another...is that enough for relation

Its 8:40 and I am preparing for the next four hours!

Out comes my liter and a half water bottle, my book, my wedding thank you cards, my cell phone, a pillow, a sleeping mask in case I need to have a nap, a sweater in case I get extra cold, snacks, slippers for my feet and a pen.  I'M READY!

Its really standard procedure - Name, Birthday, Allergies?  Oh your allergic to the tape we have already plastered on you, allow us to rip it off and wax your arm!  Thanks and well your at it can you please do my stash because as I clearly would love to support Movember this is just not a good look for me!

The nurses looked at me as I was preparing for the world to end and informed me that my treatment would only be two hours.  One hour for the Docetaxel followed by one hour for the Cyclophosphamide and I'm outta here!  I give a sheepish little grin of thanks and tuck half of my items away hopping the nurses haven't noticed that I CLEARLY have a case of ADHD and cannot focus on just one thing for what is only a period of two hours instead I needed 18!



Waiting in the Sitting Area (Dave's Tired)



Hooked up and enjoying coffee



ALL DONE!  LETS GO SHOPPING!



Day before Chemo...Another Decision and some good News

November 14th - Exam with Dr. Sasha Lupichuk (my oncologist - aka my new best friend for the next year) at 11:40 a.m.

Walking into this Dave and I expect to hear the same things that we have been hearing all along.  "Your name is Beige Julienna Plotts, you are 26 years old, you have Invasive Ductal Carcinoma, it has not spread to the lymp nodes, it is not ER/PR positive, we still dont know about your HER2 results, and tommorrow you will be starting your Chemo regimine of FEC-D that will last six cyles every 21 days for a time of approximatly 4 months."  Bing bang were outta there right?  WRONG!

November 14th - Exam with Dr. Sasha Lupichuk (my oncologist - aka my new best friend for the next year) at 11:40 a.m. I walk into the room pleasantly surprised with myself for gaining five pounds!  In all my life I never thought that gaining weight would be an issue after loosing 140 pounds and STRUGGLING to keep it off.  I give myself a pat on the pack and smugly waddle my five pound fatter ass into the exam room!

"Your name is Beige Julienna Plotts, you are 26 years old, you have Invasive Ductile Carcinoma, it has not spread to the lymph nodes, it is not ER/Pr positive, we do have your HER2 results back and those are negative as well.  The tumor is smaller than we though it was and surprisingly all of it minus 1 millimeter was removed during your biopsy, this was a shock to us as we expected there to be more there.  Given the nature of your tumor and how aggressive it appeared to be before we had your full pathology our medical results indicated that we should put you on the FEC-D regimen and treat this rapidly, however, that is not the case and we now can offer you four cycles of DC or the same FEC-D that we were offering you prior to this"

EXCUSE ME?  WHAT?

I did not expect to walk into the exam room today and have to make a decision that again could affect my life...I thought we were done with this when I confidently made the decision to be a professional runner...I mean have my breast fully removed so that if I choose to become a professional runner it would no longer slap me in the face..non the less runner or not...I thought I was done with these decisions then!

So lets weight this choice that I have to make in the next 10 minutes.  I have the choice to do the FEC-D which I was offered before for six cycles 21 days apart or I can chose to do the DC for four weeks 21 days apart.  I don't quite understand.

The hardest part in making these decisions is Doctors have to go all on statistical information only and absolutely no personal opinions.  While I am from healthcare I understand this but its hard to be put in the situation where you are looked at as a statistic and have no emotional connection given towards that decision. 

Basically today what triggered my choice and the biggest thing I heard was that FEC-D while yes it is a more aggressive treatment has a higher chance of developing leukemia.  The chance of developing leukemia is 0.4% not too scary right?  WRONG!  that .4% is actually 1 in 100 that can develop leukemia because of the FEC-D. 

I'm sorry but are you telling me that I was already a 1 in 230 something women at the age of 26 that develops breast cancer and now you would like me to try something that gives me even less odds and actually role with that?  I can almost assume that I would be the lucky number to get that!  NO THANKS.

"I am Beige Julienna Plotts, I have been dealt the card of Breast Cancer, I was dealt this because God only gives these things to people who can handle them, people who can take them away and make a difference in their life's as well as others.  Tomorrow I will be starting my four week regime of DC and will be on Chemotherapy for the next 84 days.  After these 84 days I vow to take an amazing honey moon which I feel my husband and I will be more than entitled to since I had surgery five days after our wedding, and I INDEED will rock that plastic boob on the beach, After these 84 days I vow to make a difference in this world, to do the walks for the cause, to touch other peoples life's as they have touched mine!  I am Beige Julienna Plotts, I have Breast Cancer and I am EMPOWERED!"

Confidence is Key

BE BEAUTIUFL

KNOW YOU ARE LOVED

LOVE YOURSELF

To have a child or not?

For most this is a decision that you have the power to make. 

Do you want to be DINK's (Dual Income No Kids) or do you want to have the white picket fence lifestyle, stay at home mom and happy lifestyle? 

Notice my long explanation of the second one...obviously I know what I wanted.

Many people are not aware that chemotherapy puts the majority of women into early onset menopause, for a woman such as myself at 26 who is also a newlywed, this is a harsh reality.  What was even more harsh was when Dave and I visited the fertilization clinic to find out that it would cost us $10,000 to have a less than 40% chance to have a baby in the future.

My feelings on this:  I am leaving our family life to the big man upstairs!  I firmly believe that I have more than a 40% chance of having a baby when this is all said and done by leaving it in his hands!

Find a Breast Buddy

Allow me to introduve you to my Brest Buddie.  I have mentioned Brenda in my blog a few times, for those of you not following, I met Brenda the day before surgery in the scintography department of the Peter Laugheed.  When I went into surgery the next day, Brenda was wheeled by me a few hours later after undergoing hers.  We have kept in contact for the last month and just recently had coffee together. 

I urge you all going through this, you may have Best Buddies to pull you through, but there is nothing in this journey like a Breast Buddie.  You will understand eachother, you will be able to laugh together, cry together and complain about your kids together, life isnt all about Cancer, it dosent rule you and it is so nice when you get together with someone who has Cancer in common with you just to find out you have so much more in common! 

Kids say the Darndest things!

My borther Loren and his family came down for my benefit on Thursday and I was so happy to get to spend some time with him, his wife Heidi and their five wonderful kids!  This morning they all jumped in bed with Dave and I and sat there talking for a half an hour until we decided it was finally time to get up.  All the boys left and it was just me and my three year old neice Kas left in the room. 

When I got up to put a shirt on she looked up at me slowly and said "Auntie, yous only gots one boob!"  I said "yes honey thats right I do" and she analized this for a second and said "well thats silly, where the other one is"

Giving thanks where thanks is due!

Kait Dinunzio pulled together many of her contacts and got Ming donated to facilitate From Beige to Pink  on Thursday, Thank you for your ongoing support and efforts in this cause Kait. We had a silent auction and a speech given by my best friend Ashley Spink.

There was approximatly $3,700.00 raised this night to help go towards a few costs associated with my treatment over the next year.

There was a few recognitions that should have been given on this night that were regredibly missed.  It is VERY important to me that I give thanks where thanks is due and I feel that a couple people were not thanked properly or nearly as much as they should have been - Heres to you!

• Ashley Spink - Ashley is a constant support in my every day routines, however during this night she, as she always does, showed up and ran her butt off to do what was needed to make this night a fun and successful time.

• Pauline Graham- Pauline donated many items to the silent auction as well as pooled together members of the Drayton Valley and Buck Lake communities for their donations and support.  Erick and Pauline had many items in the silent auction from the Lakeshore Inn.  During this night Pauline was a huge support and facilitated the silent auction.  There are not enough thanks in the world for the support that Pauline has shown in this cause.

• Kathryn Graham - I have mentioned Kathryn in my blog before, on her 18th birthday.  It was not noted this night that in the past week Kathryn has gone into the community of Drayton Valley and Buck Lake and collected $760.00 from her friends and family to help donate to this cause.  The support that she has shown is very much appreciated and it is important for everyone to know that this is an incredible amount of money for a young woman to raise in the period of a few short days!

• And lastly - Thank you to EVERYONE who donated an item to the silent auction to show your support.  Everything in the auction that was donated was BEAUTIFUL and I wanted to take it all home, however, felt that may defeat the cause!  :)

Surround yourself with Positivity!

You may think this is easy to do right?

WRONG!

Keeping positive people around you when your life is touched with the "Big C" is NOT EASY!  Remember that Cancer does not only affect you, it affects everyone around you and not everyone deals with that the same.  Emotions run high and while people around you should be supporting you during these times, some may find it hard to put their own emotions on the back burner to support you.

Pick your battles! 

Do you want to cry constantly because someone is brining you down or do you want to be the strong upbeat person you know you are and tell them you need some distance?

For me...it almost seemed like I was so afraid to hurt peoples feelings that I choose to suck it up, hold it in until I could get to my room and cry rather than let them know they are brininging me down and hurt their feelings.  Therefore, I choose to sit in my room for sometimes up to 7 hours and cry constantly.  NOT GOOD! 

I really need to work on finding my voice.

Finally...some FUN

My days are filled with appointments, education, training, infromation sessions...blah, blah, blah...there has got to be some FUN here somewhere right?

FINALLY!  November 8th, I visit Compassionate Beauty!  For any of your who have Cancer or know someone who does, please visit this shop, it is simply amazing!  Full of wigs, bathing suits, bras, head scarves, hats, you name it!

My first appointment is with Colleen to get fitted for a wig.  I though this would be fun!  Colleen places the first wig on my head and I immediatly say "I am not ready to do this".  Looking back, I would have never expected this to be my initial response to this "fun appointment".  There is something about a wig though, you place it on your head and instantly get flasshing red lights above you yelling "WIG, WIG, WIG"  

I walked out of Colleen's office with two scarves and called that appointment quits.  I found much more comfort in shopping for my wig on http://www.tidebuy.com/. 

My second appointment at Compassionate Beauty was with Lidia.  Now THIS was fun! 

I GOT MY BOOB!

I like to call it my "real" boob because it certainly is more real that my cotton boob that I gag over constantly, however by calling it my "real" boob I seem to loose sight of the fact that I still have a breast left...oops.  Perhaps this has a lot to do with the fact that I am extremely impressed with this breast!

It is perky and soft and I can remove it whenever I want to go for a super fast run and not be hit in the face by a lump of fat that has its own mind!

Keeping up the Spirits...Mostly

On October 29th, I accompanied my wonderful husband to a halloween party at one of his best friends houses.  It was a blast.  It is important for all of you to know, Cancer is not the ruler of your life, it is not the boss and it is important for you to let it know that.  While some of you may need to make nutrition or exercise changes in your life to overcome this, it is also important to know, those should be part of your daily routines.  This is not a lecture, however, I was almost 300 pounds at one time in my life, and I cannot imagine going through this right now feeling like I use to, no energy, no drive, no sense of sexuality.

While for the most part I am upbeat and happy, I have had a rough couple of days that have got me down, most of which...I blame Dave for!  :)  in a good way...Dave unfortunatly OCCATIONALLY has to leave town for work and those are the hard times on me, the times that I dont feel like sleeping because the sleep is not nearly as enjoyable or warm. 

I have had my two days of bawling my face off and now I feel it is time to pick my ass back up again, start exercising again and of course...blogging!

Wellspring Calgary

1404 Home Rd. NW
Calgary, Alberta
T2N 3T8
Tel:  403.521.5292

On November 1, 2011 I attended a class at Wellspring called Look Good Feel Better.  It was an amazing class that I highly recommend to all women going through cancer.  I clearly know how to do my makeup, however there was alot of information in the class regarding wigs, and most importantly it was an opportunity for interaction with other women going through the same things that you are.  I was the yongest one in the class, however, much like cancer, I dont discrimate.  I dont look at people and notice their age, haircolor, eyecolor, wrinkles, skincolor, I notice the story they are hiding within and I make it my job to hear that story. 

Talking is really all we have.  Leave the treatments to the oncologists, leave the surgery to the surgeons and leave the IV's to the nurses, but at the end of the day, whos going to heal our soul?  WE ARE!  YOU ARE!  I AM! 

Talk it out, be confident in what you are going through, enjoy telling your story and know that it is a part of you now and always, this is what will make you into the person you are still going to become.  This is going to define who you are in the future, embrace it, be proud, LAUGH, CRY, TALK! 

My Relationship with my Cotton Boob

So the breast clinic gave me a temporary prosthesis.  Basically it is a cotton ball that I shove in my bra.  For those of you that know me, this sickens me, for those of you that dont...cotton makes me gag, puke and lightheaded...dont ask why!

I am not able to get a prosthesis until all of my swelling has subsided. 

What can I say about this cotton ball of mine???

It hurts when it is against my scar for one.  And for another, it is extremely embarrasing when you are sitting there talking to friends and dont even realize this thing thinks for itself and decides to come half way out of your bra and shirt.  I feel like a 13 year old teenager again trying to amp up my chest for the simple fact that that is what society expects  of chests...to be big...

Dear Society,

You are clearly not a woman, for if you were you would realize, they are not all that fun.  They get in the way, they get wet when you wash dishes, they get dirty when you eat and they flop all over when you sleep. 

Sincerely,

One Breasted Beige

;)

Theres my humor for the day folks.  ENJOY!

Me and My Open Mind

I have a willingness to share...I think it helps others cope in their situations by reading what others go through.  I know myself, yesterday researched hair loss and found a blog, I was releived to read about peoples experiences and how I could prepare myself.  Apparently loosing your hair hurts.  Your fair follicles let loose and it is uncomfortable and itchy and sore.  Bless these people who could prepeare me for what I am about to go through.  Others...arent as willing to share.

A couple days ago I was updating my blog and posted a picture of my scar on here.  I was advised that it was not a good idea and that it was a little risky.  Personally, to me there is nothing sexual about my scar, there is no breast there, and I personally think it is BEAUTIFUL!  This is my sign of being cancer free and I wear it proudly! 

When I found this picture on line, I couldnt help but share it, I am not sure what the advertisement is for as it is not in english, however, it portrays exactly how I feel at this time in my life!  This woman is smiling, happy and loved and wears her scar proudly.  This is exactly how I feel.  Every night I crawl into bed with my husband and watch for a reaction from my right side flopping around like it has a mind of its own, and my left side, nothing.  Every night its the same thing...I kiss goodnight, a cuddle and sweet spoken words of love.  There is no reaction.  I am loved, I am beautiful and much like the woman in this picture, I wear my scar proud.

From Beige to Pink Benefit

Join us on November 10 at MING EAT DRINK (520 17th Ave SW, Calgary) as we celebrate Beige Waldner in From Beige to Pink - tickets are $30/each and include appies. There will be a silent auction and the opportunity to share your love and support with Beige in person. go to http://www.frombeigetopink.yolasite.com/ for more information or to pre-purchase your tickets!

The Good and Bad in Life

Today is a sad day as well as a happy day for me.

SAD - My baby neice turned 18 today :(  I rememer holding her when she was a baby and watching her grow up, I cant beleive what a beautiful woman she has become!

HAPPY - I had my follow up appointment with Dr. Kanashiro today here is the latest news...

- Confirmed, NO lymph nodes affected.
- There was not alot of area that wasnt removed during my September 13th lumpectomy, there was only about 1 mm more aftected that they discovered, however, I am still happy with my decision to have a FULL mastectomy, and this is something I will never regret.
- ER/PR results are both good and bad, apparently the result is negative with a tiny bit of postive, this means I may still have to do the 5 years of tomaxaphil (sp?).  If this is the case, that means that Dave and I are deffinalty out of the baby making department for the next six years.
- And lastly, STAGE 1....although this dosent really mean anything becasue there are so many factors that go into staging cancer, I have anxiously been awaiting this result, as when people hear you have cancer their first comment is "oh no, what stage?"  It appears a little strange to people when you walk around aimlessly not knowing what "stage" you are in, I was almost prepared to just make something up if I hadnt got this result soon :)

Cancer I did not give you the right,
To invade my body and take a bite.
This is my body and with all my might,
I will prevail with one hell of a fight.
To the cancer inside, I will battle and kill.
For that is my body's God given will.
To my cancer, these words I do send.
Your life is short and near the end.