So in the last three weeks I have gone through quite a bit of life change...yet again.
My return to work did not go as well as I had hoped. After a year of being off lots had changed including myself and my boss and we struggled to communicate, that being said, I am now searching for another job as he felt it just wasn't working out. I cant tell you how sad I am to have had to leave my position in which I held for over 2.5 years (1 of which I was off). It was the job that I had gotten the most fulfillment out of in my entire career as I felt I made a difference in so many areas and helped to make staff feel acknowledged and appreciated in so many ways, I acknowledged work conflicts, people came to me when they were upset or feeling undermined. I planed team building events to help staff members come closer together. I made daily rounds to see how departments were doing on behalf of my boss so I could bring any concerns back to him, but at the end of the day, those duties and efforts did not seem to be acknowledged or appreciated.
June 8, 2014....Looking Back
I have been off of work now for almost a year, doing a few jobs here and there however never finding a personal fulfilment in any of them. After loosing my job at Husky and given a severance however no reasoning behind the departure, i struggled to find another position, having to return to the interviewing process and having no reason that I am not currently working was a struggle, I had no idea what to tell the individuals who were interviewing me, I had no ambition towards any of the positions that I was interviewing for as I had turned bitter....bitter and angry....angry at myself and feeling that after cancer I was unable to keep up with the tasks that I once thought to be so easy, angry that I struggled daily to communicate with my coworkers that my body and mind were suffering a change, I was experiencing severe insomnia, depression, forgetfulness and with all of that...I was suffering from the ability to admit any of it. I refused to let people know that cancer and chemotherapy had changed me, had changed my body, had changed my mind, and with the unwillingness and stubbornness to not admit it in the end, I was the only one that suffered.
Looking Back now, and almost a year later, it is also very clear that everything indeed does happen for a reason. My blood pressure pills were lowered and I am now fully off of them, my mental health recovered, I found my ability to smile again....this all took a long time and there were many factors that helped me regain all of those things, which I will soon tell you about but the one lesson I did learn is that in a miserable work environment you will never attain the happiness you deserve and in that your whole life will begin to slowly crumble, your relationships will suffer, your mind will suffer, your body will suffer all because you may be scared of admitting your unhappiness or new found inability to once be the person you were and your unacceptance of the new person you have become.
